Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Existential angst

Dear Psychopaths on Long Island that are trying to kill me, please let me live to see my first Glycobiology poster. I would prefer if you chose the window between after the conference and before my birthday so I can go when I am twenty-four. If not then, then please after Christmas because I like ridiculing the commercialized conundrum they call celebrations, moreover Santa probably will bring me something nice since I've been fantastic this year.
Yours,
Still standing grad (a.k.a. standing still grad)

We recently met up with an old friend, Devin, who reminded us ever so subtly that we have still not mentioned him in this space. This is fresh off the keyboard after we managed to escape his death grip on our necks. (Why we are referring to ourselves in the plural is still not known, but it might have something to do with the fact that we are pretending to be British these days). Now that the aforementioned mentioning is done, we shall proceed to more important matters. It has come to our attention that we have been perceived as an uncaring, unsharing, unyielding type person. While that maybe partly true depending on the perceiver, let us make clear a few things.

We are not responsible for sharing things that we were supposed to receive but did not and hence had to go foraging for ourselves. If absolutely demanded of, we shall part with as little as can possibly qualify as sharing. We shall not participate in the tomfoolery of applying different types of make-up on the same person and qualifying them as two people. We have previously observed your (in)competence with numbers and hence even simple addition by you shall be deeply doubted. You have made us aware that you think of social websites to be a time-sink (while unwarrantedly looking at our monitor screens nonetheless), our independently working experts have concluded that reproduction is the real time-sink.

We suppose that we must come up a fitting disclaimer lest we get into some sort of trouble. This is /not/ directed at any single person. Especially /not/ Righteous Obsequious Leech (or someone that has similar initials). Described behavior is /not/ loosely-based on people we know in real life.

Regards
Cadbury (Our British buddy)

Cadbury doesn't believe in colors or in music. Apologies.