Thursday, August 14, 2008

Furcht.

Recently, I've been reading a lot of matrimony ads. Strictly for entertainment. This change in my humor preferences is a direct result of the fact that I am bored of PhD comics and am almost done watching all episodes of South Park.
Anyway, people use silly adjectives to describe their candidate or to describe what they'd like in a candidate. I mean no insult to their intelligence or their language skills. But don't you try to think of the many different ways in which a reader can interpret it your "ad", given that the reader is most probably a 24-30 year old? Mabye I'm being nitpicky and just trying to make a blog post out of nothing. But I want to know why matrimonial ads mostly begin with a 'WANTED'.
Wanted? Really? It makes me think of a mugshot of an unshaven dude in striped PJs holding up a number plate.
Well-educated. Who isn't? Every T, D and H has a Masters from the States. Every Gita, Sita, Anitha has a Bachelors with "excellent scores". How about something like she can converse in 3 international languages? Now that is something I'd proudly put in a matrimonial ad.
God-fearing. Now don't get me wrong on this one. My theistic orientation is perfect (by my standards) and I'm a total believer. But why would a normal person fear God? Believe maybe, but fear? I'm inclined to think that only someone who's wronged would fear God. What does that say about the candidate? (Don't give me that look, I am just the average reader).
Slim, fair, good looking. That is just as informative as Well-educated. Would be more convincing if you attached a picture, no?

My expectations are high perhaps. But hey, if we're using computers to draw squares and predict horoscopes, don't the matrimony ads have to catch up?

My favorite matrimonial strip so far reads: Looking for a smart, understanding and a helpful housemate.
Ironically, this is what I would put on craigslist if I were gay (no offense to my homosexual friends) and was looking for a partner. Is there any such profession as a matrimonial ad drafter? If there is, I want it. If there isn't, maybe I should be the first one. Our newspapers and matrimony websites could really use my services.

Aaah, yet another day in grad life. Yet another imaginary alternative career.

Color: Maroon
Song: Ghita (Cleopatra Stratan)

6 comments:

Shri said...

Apparently, you don't know to interpret English in a matrimony ad.
Here's what it means:

Wanted - Really desperate. Tired of watching porn.

Well-educated - Not a galeej boy.

Female:
God-fearing : Afraid only of God. Husbands will be ripped apart.

Male:
God-fearing: Same as well-educated. Not a galeej boy.

Female:
Slim - 130 pounds (Upper body weight)
Fair - Dark
Good-looking - Can pass off for a girl

What the guy is looking for:
Any one of Aishwarya Rai, Mallika Sherawat, Asin and scores of hot female actresses will do

Shri said...

Male:
Looking for a smart, understanding and a helpful housemate. ->

Looking for a wife who'll cook for me, do the dishes, laundry, clean the house.

Female:
Looking for a smart, understanding and a helpful housemate. ->

Someone who'll eat the crap I make and not shout at me for spending a paltry $1000 on stupid stuff.

Deepu Vasudevan said...

@Shri,

Interpreter of Matrimonies?
:P

Sandeep said...

haha.. nice one..
I thought 'Looking for a smart, understanding and a helpful housemate.' sounds fine may be except for housemate :)

If you are finding something more i think you are reading too much b/w lines :P

Sandeep said...

haha.. nice one..
I thought 'Looking for a smart, understanding and a helpful housemate.' sounds fine may be except for housemate :)

If you are finding something more i think you are reading too much b/w lines :P

Bin said...

Shri's interpretation applies to all the human beings regardless of their nationality!