Thursday, July 5, 2007

Twice a day :O

This is proof that I have grown up .
That I realize that I don't have to throw a tantrum to get what I want. That I can simply get up and get it for myself. I don't need anyone to walk me through my life anymore. I could use some company on the way, but I can live it for myself. I don't need a cage. I don't need my wings snipped. I dislike being controlled and I dislike being a rebel more. So I simply don't pay heed.
I realize that I have knowingly hurt people - and that there are some instances for which I am not even apologetic. I am not sure if this makes me a bad person but I don't have a justification because I have not thought of one. I am not going to think of one either.
I realize that I don't have to be the nicest person in the world. I am allowed to be a little mean - everyone is. I know that because I have been hurt and I am not willing to judge if that was wanton or not.
I realize that when you try to save your pride, then you are letting it fall further in your own eyes.
I realize there are things worse than telling your mom that you made a mistake and now that you realize it you want to move on. She will understand, as always.
I realize that good friends are a rarity and that you musn't count your blessings.
I realize when you have to think really hard to remember the fun you had, then it doesn't count as a memory.
I realize that when you have to sacrifice one thing for another, both things are not worth it.
I realize I can probably never love uninhibitedly as I grow older. Primarily because the more of the world I see, the more I expect and expectations can only ruin things.
I realize that wisdom doesn't have to come with age, but then its okay if it takes time.
I realize that when some of your best efforts go down the drain, then its for a purpose. A part of a bigger plan and the missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle that will eventually fit.
I realize everything doesn't have to be reciprocated. Your camera can choose not to like you.
I realize when I sleep over things, then they always seem less poignant in the morning.
I realize how grateful I am for those moments when I felt like I've achieved something.
I realize the importance of all this knowledge when I am in doubt, and more so when I am sure.

I have grown up. I would have given you a big hug if you were here now. But its good that you aren't - else, I would have never grown up.

4 comments:

Nivs said...

Love the way you write.....Love your thoughts..... Some I dont understand and some I do but would still love to read your blogs whether I do not (understand) or do....

Jyotsna said...

I agree with most of what is said especially with the "wisdom coming with age" - part.
yu're becoming a regular blogger now! good...good.
i get food for thought everytime i'm looking for some :)

Deepu said...

@nivs


thanks kane ma ;)

keep commentinG!

Deepu said...

@jyo

hmm.... i am not sure if its junk food, but as long as it fills you up, i'm okay with it.