Monday, March 7, 2011

Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing

Now, now.

Brace yourselves.

We cannot know him-

The maggot man with an iron chest.

His unspeakable sins hidden within his charred soul.

His long healed wounds caressed, coddled like they were bloody fresh from a few minutes ago.

He sits on his golden pedestal, replete with unicorns and cherubs fussing about, serving his fancies and crying his tears for him.

We saw him before he came, we let him drink our blood and eat our intestines so he may grow, we dreamt of him in yellow silk pajamas playing the Moonlight sonata on his harmonica but now you cannot know him.

Must see:

I fear Maggot man may have been running Libya.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

When angels vomit.

I have decided it is futile to try and be sophisticated when you actually want to be funny. Here's to silliness and a paranoid housemate -

A wandering minstrel I—
A thing of shreds and patches,
Of ballads, songs and snatches,
And dreamy lullaby!

If you haven't seen Mikado, you lead a deprived life.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Thinly veiled contempt.

So what is the deal with all the bigotry in the world?

I despise most who tell me they don't question the right of Imam Rauf to build the community center, just the wisdom of the location. They are, in some sense, just as bad as those who oppose it outright.
And then there is the clown in Florida who wants to commit sacrilege by burning the Qu'ran. Why are you different from the morons who flew into the WTC? They twisted religion to explain their vile motives and so are you. What example are you setting as a preacher? As someone who has a moral obligation in society, you should know better. Swine.
A world of 6.6 billion people fighting over fairy tales (or the existence of it). Fairy tales that are supposed to show us a way of life, that are supposed to make enforcing morals easy. Restraints that are supposed to help us raise our children better, smoothen societal functioning, answer questions tougher than current science can. Religion is not a contest, Nation (Colbert influence). If someone else is treating it as one, please don't throw on your armor and sink to their level. Like my mommy says, if you throw a stone into slush, it will only splash on you.

A special shout out to this friend on Facebook who posted a video of Pakistani MP/MLAs speaking terrible English, with a post titled - A must see for Indian's - nonetheless. Really? You abuse the apostrophe and want to call attention to someone else's language flaws.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Gleng Samurai

Aloooooo, this is irony speaking. I am calling about the order of tall stacks_toward_the_end that I put in for dvasudevan. I don't like how she pwned the game regardless of the arrival of tall stacks (for a while). Henceforth please include an order of ten_minute_tall_stack_starvation with all my tall stacks_toward_the_end orders. Thanks!

I am NOT obsessed with Tetris. Especially NOT with the first person/night mode version. I am NOT going blind from play this game sneakily in my office with the screen brightness set to the least. I am NOT contemplating going as a blocky bit for Halloween this year. I am NOT making patterns of tetris blocks in my pipette tip box. I did NOT pay 4 bucks for a iPod application so I could play Tetris on the pot. I NEVER shush my friends when the game is in critical speed condition. I NEVER curse out loud or blame them for losing.

Just wanted to make this clear and known.

Thank you,
NOT Closet Tetrisaholic

P.S. I did NOT make this while taking a break from NOT playing tetris.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Public pledge of self-regulation for careful altering of world news and memories.

Is freedom a word we only associate with people who aren't in a visually perceivable cage or under the dominance of a homicidal tyrant?

Dear Goverment of China,

You piss me off. This declaration might potentially get me in a lot of trouble, especially with my friends, but I have reached the point where I must say something about the long-standing madness you call governance else my head will explode. I agree you run a populous country and that calls for decisions that might not please everyone. I will even overlook the fact that you are currently claiming stake on territory that is rightfully ours, but such behavior on your part is neither new nor unexpected. However, you not allowing the freedom of press is something that infuriates me as much as Tibet(s) infuriate you. You alter your geography textbooks, tweak the news and propagate/justify the idea of imprisoning 70 year olds for having an opinion. You are well on your way to becoming a superpower, but you will never be on par with US of A. With your closed minds and open thwarting of free press, you will never be as benevolent as America has been to the people of the world. You will never be able to welcome with open arms other cultures like they have. I know you think it is not necessary, but no country makes progress without allying with other cultures. You must learn to admit your flaws and fix them.
Fear is a formidable weapon to wield but it will always be weaker than patriotism. Learn China, learn. For you can go much further than where you currently aim to be.


P.S. This might be funny for some.